"I deserve it"

Today I came home really late after a client meeting that lasted longer than it should have.
These past 2 years this had been such a frequent occurrence that it had almost become the norm, but the last couple of months, with the reduced work pressure, it hadn't happened any more.

So today I came home, after 8, and declared I had absolutely no energy to cook, so Bart proposed take-away. So I picked up the take-away leaflet and wondered what I could order that was within points, and almost immediately a loud inner voice replied "take what you want, you've deserved it!".

And I almost did - until I realised it was a voice I hadn't heard for over 2 months and that it was its absence that had allowed me to lose the weight up till now. And that for the 2 previous years I had listened to it, and piled on the 5 stone I'm now trying to lose as a consequence.

I don't know exactly why I equate (unhealthy) food so much with rewarding myself, or why I even consider something that harms me to be something I deserve, but I'm glad I've been able to take enough distance from my over-worked, over-stressed lifestyle to escape the pressure long enough that the voice doesn't feel like such a "normal" part of my life any more.


Girl...x said...

Well done you.......That is such a breakthrough. It may seem a small thing to you but its MEGA!! I wish I had found my breakthru......

Vicky Gunn said...

wow that's fantastic news.. a bit congrats on noticing it before it happened!!

amazing how little bits of old nabits can start to filter back in .. and you didn't do it!

Sara said...

Thanks for the encouragement, girls!
I'm not sure it's a real breakthrough because it seems like I could fall back into those old habits so easily... all it would take would be a little more stress at work and I feel I'd send it all flying, destroy all the efforts of the past 2 months...
I guess I really need to make an effort to stay focussed and maintain an awareness of what I'm thinking when it comes to food.

Joy said...

To stop and recognise it before eating is a big step though. I can relate to this - definately "reward" myself after stressful events by stuffing high cal/fat/sugar items in..

Is a battle faced daily for me, and one I guess I will for a while to come. Would love to be a type who gets relaxation and pleasure from a long soak/manicure/something equally "rewarding" that is actually caring for the body, rather than further damaging it!


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