Just like that, three months flew by

I can't believe it's been 3 months since I last posted something.
I literally put my quest for the perfect career / life on hold while I was busying myself with wedding plans... which was more than worth it, as we had the most amazing day!

Now it's back to the real world, and back to waking up in the middle of the night with my jaws clenched tight, dreaming I'm late for meetings even at the weekend, 10-hour days with no toilet breaks or lunch pauses... and wondering: what the hell am I doing it for?

The plan wasn't much of a plan, I just started walking...

I've decided on a course, just going to their presentation day on September 9th to make sure, and I've even asked my boss if I could take time of work for it, after all it is related to my job and my objectives for this year. No answer yet, though (duh!).

But my weight is up and my morale is down, and after spending a blitz weekend in Provence (20 hours driving for 48 hours on location, must be the worst ratio yet...), I am convinced there has to be another way to enjoy this life. One that involves listening to crickets when you wake up in the morning, taking a walk with the dog on a road with no cars - and hardly any houses - and a dip in the pool every afternoon. Not to mention time to read, and taking most of your meals on the terrace in the sun.

How can anyone choose for the crappy, grey, stressful city alternative? Not that I don't like the view from our apartment - or the apartment itself, which still impresses me - but outside of this bubble, everything seems to be either too much or too little to really feel happy.

I have to remind myself every day that I own my life - at least the 16 hours a day I'm not paid to be working. Not easy when the work is piling up and you're used to being the solver off all problems. Leaving my computer at work in the evening and at weekends has not been an easy resolution to stick to, but I will. For the sake of my own sanity.

And, one day, I will resign. And that will be the end of that.