One year on...

...and I'm about to become a mummy for the second time. Baby is due on February 12th. We don't know yet if it's a boy or a girl as it was crossing its legs at the 5 month scan last week. I think it's a boy again :)

Jack has just started walking on his own and he's so funny, wobbling his way accross the room, looking so proud and looking at us for encouragement and confirmation of his feats :)

The past year has been easy and hard at the same time. Easy because we've been really lucky with Jack. He sleeps really well (12 hours a night since he was 5-6 months old and only waking up to feed before that) and eats like a little ogre. He even feeds himself with a spoon, which is so cute and also means I can eat a meal at the same time as him now instead of gulping down food in between feeding him spoonfuls.

Hard because there's no denying that having a little man at home means getting up when he wakes up, making his meals at regular intervals, changing him, entertaining him (a lot) and planning things around his schedule most of the time so he gets enough food and rest. And being the person I am, routine is just something I need to be able to escape from or I go nutty.

I've been working mostly from home for the past year, with some time spent at my clients' offices or in meetings. Money-wise I've taken a big cut in income, earning less than half what I used to. I just can't fill my days with loose jobs, and right now going back to taking on full-time assignments just isn't an option. I need... I want the flexibility of being able to stay home when Jack's sick and pick him up from daycare at a reasonable hour. And with Baby2 on its way I've even decided to give up work for 6 months next year because the whole breastfeeding/pumping thing I did with Jack was just too much hassle and because the amount of time he was off sick meant it just wasn't worth putting him in daycare that young.

I'm hoping that being in contact with Jack will mean Baby2 gets used to other kids and hopefully catches all the germs going round so by the time he/she starts daycare there will be less days off and more time for me to get back to work.

So another 2 months to go and I'm off work. I'm looking forward to not having to turn my computer on, having time to prepare for Baby2's arrival, playing with Jack, going out for walks when the weather's nice, seeing all my friends, several of whom will have babies of their own by then and then after that taking care of Baby2.

I'm looking forward to him/her being here in a way I wasn't with Jack. First time around I was really taking every day as it came, enjoying the pregnancy, discovering all the new stages, preparing for a big unknown. This time I know more or less what to expect and there's a lot less apprehension and a lot more impatience ;)

Planning-wise the idea is to do what we did with Jack and keep Baby2 in our room the first 5 or 6 months, then have them share a room. I'm not sure yet if we're going to use Jack's bedroom or move them both to the office and move the office into Jack's (much smaller) room. And we're also discussing buying a house with a garden. I'm so undecided. Pros are of course the garden, and being in a quieter neighbourhood, having an extra room/bedroom (although I'd like them to share while they're young) and no more rickety lift. Cons are finding a nice place, renovation work that will undoubtedly be needed in our budget range, stairs to negotiate, selling this place in the current market, moving... Sigh.

And then there's our idea of going to New Zealand next winter for a few months. Which would have to wait or be severely reduced in length if we bought a place next year.

Oh and weight-wise, well I ended up putting on 8 kg when I stopped breastfeeding (big bummer after managing to lose all the pregnancy weight directly after giving birth), a consequence of being allowed to drink again and keeping up the (bad) eating pattern I'd developped while breastfeeding, aka an extra 2 or 3 biscuits and chocolate a day. In April I decided to start losing again and was down 3kg when I got pregnant again (which was wanted but kind of a spur-of-the moment decision ;)). 24 weeks on and I've put on 2kg so far and am really trying to keep my weight steady. Some days I succeed better than others.

I've just signed Jack up for baby swimming classes, starting next Saturday, so that'll be a nice activity for us to do together. Yesterday we went to a park with an animal farm and Jack had a great time feeding chicory leaves to the donkey, lama, goats and rabbits. He also went on a swing for the first time and loved it so much he didn't want to get off after 10 minutes and kicked up a fuss when we pulled him off it so another little girl could have her turn. Wee man :)

Restart

Okay, I have to put pen to paper (so to speak) and commit to this or it'll never happen.

I had a lucky break with the pregnancy, out of the hospital and back to my lowest weight straight away, so I really need to be a bit more grateful for it and not throw away this opportunity to continue on the road to my goal.

Since then - already 3 months - I haven't been very good. I've fallen back into a sugar spiral, with chocolate and biscuits forming way too big a part of my daily diet. My only saving grace has been breastfeeding - the extra calories I need have counteracted *most* of the naughty food. I need to put a stop to this andI'm not sure I can manage if I don't take a solemn pledge.

Having said that, I just bought a box of Pierre Marcolini chocolates - aka bite-sized pieces of heaven. Okay, I am going to pace myself. No more than 2 a day from now on. And no more biscuits. I mean, it's ridiculous, all the other stuff I eat is healthy.

There. I've said it, I've committed and now I have to stick to it. Watch this space for a weekly update.

Oh, other than that: Jack is just adorable - so gorgeous and an absolute sweetheart. He sleeps really well at night and is getting into more of a rythm during the day too. And he started daycare 2 weeks ago, part-time for now. I love being able to work a bit in the morning and pick him up around 2 and still have all afternoon with him :) Life is really good right now, more than I could ever have imagined.

Breastfeeding

We've survived the first week back home, I'm happy to report.

Although we still have moments where the reality of the responsibility and commitment involved in taking care of such a small being sinks in, and we look at each other and ask "did they really let us leave the hospital with our baby?"...

So far, the hardest part has been the breastfeeding. We were doing well the first 2 days - as long as Jack wasn't really hungry, but as soon as hunger kicked in he seemed to completely lose patience and only managed to latch on for a few seconds before wailing as the milk wasn't coming fast enough. After 2 frustrating days - for both of us - I was offered a breast shield, which immediately solved the problem, or more acurately postponed the problem as I will have to wean him off it eventually.

Back home, I'm dealing with his strange feeding rhythm: once every three hours seems to be the rule, except for between 7 pm and 1 am when he needs almost constant feeds, leaving me drained and teary-eyed most nights. I've built in a mid-afternoon nap for myself that definitely helps, but now he's extended the hourly feeds to other times of the day too... leaving me wondering if he's getting enough milk. Sigh. The good news is my nipples are healing and most feeds are now pain-free.

Bart's been very supportive but on seeing me so tired and upset has already suggested dropping the breastfeeding, hitting the bottle and giving him a teat. I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet though.

On a more positive note, I weighed in at 90.9 kg / 200.4 lbs this morning, just a few hundred grams higher than my lowest recorded weight last year. So the pregnancy weight is virtually gone! I have to admit this is better than I expected, especially considering I was no saint during the last 4 months. Seems the fat gods decided to spare me this time around ;)

The plan is to keep eating healthily, which seems easier to do knowing everything I eat is passing through my milk to the little guy, and hopefully lose a constant 0.5 kg a week till the end of the year. That'll get me out of the 80's by the second week of next year... which would be amazing!

I think I can hear Jack rousing from his afternoon nap so will sign off now and leave you with the first pic of him with his eyes open:

Post pregnancy weigh in

First of all thanks to all you lovely ladies for commenting on my previous post.
As you can imagine I am totally in love with the little guy :)

But now for some serious business... weigh in and getting back on the weight loss wagon.
My lowest weight pre-pregnancy was 199 lbs / 90.1 kg, the week before I got pregnant.
The last week of pregnancy I was up to 229 lbs / 104 kg, so a gain of 30 lbs / 13.9 kg, with quite a bit of water retention to blame...

Weigh in yesterday morning gave me the nice surprise of... 203 lbs / 92.2 kg, so only 4 lbs / 2.1 kg to lose to be back to pre-pregnancy weight :)

I'm breastfeeding (not easy, but we're slowly getting the hang of it) so I have the perfect excuse to keep eating lots of fruit, veg and wholegrain foods and stay away from the alcohol. So I'm hoping to lose a bit more weight over the next few weeks.

Right now I won't be signing back up for WW, as I feel pretty much in control of what I'm eating - that and the fact that I just don't think I want to spend the time necessary to record everything I eat. We'll see how it goes and I'l re-evaluate in a few weeks.

But it's good to be 12 kg down after just a week, more than I'd hoped for :)

And now I'm off to dote on my gorgeous boy :)

33 weeks pregnant

Pregnancy insomnia is one of the only things I can complain about right now.
Everything else is going absolutely perfectly. So I thought I'd take advantage of being up this early to finally update my blog.

At our scan yesterday we got to take another peek at baby, who is head down (good news!), developing well and most definitely a boy. Another month and a half to go before due date, and reality is finally starting to sink in.

Work in the apartment is almost finished, but there's still a lot to do. The electricity has been replaced, an unpleasant but necessary intervention, and baby's room just needs a coat of paint and we can start furnishing it. The rest of the place looks like a complete dump, with furniture, books and other bits and pieces piled everywhere, and dust coating half of it. No use cleaning until everything's finished and we're leaving on holiday next Saturday so it's a bit of a pain.

In the meantime, I've just about stopped working, apart from the odd job from home and a few client meetings. As of next week I'm officially on holiday/maternity leave.

Last week I finalised the design of the birth cards and I'm really excited about the result - I think they look amazing and am so glad we'll have made them ourselves as I couldn't find anything I really liked in the shops.

Weight-wise I'm now 7kg/15lbs heavier than at the start of my pregnancy, which I feel is pretty decent and hope to be able to keep under control in the last weeks.
I've been having a hard time finding a balance, not being on WW anymore, between allowing myself a bit more and going completely overboard. I've gotten into the (bad) habit of having at least a couple of biscuits and a piece of chocolate every day... something that has to stop as quickly as possible. I'm trying to be more strict already and limit my weight gain and the baby's for the last few weeks so I don't have to give birth to a whale - especially as my ob-gyn seems to be taking some kind of sadistic pleasure in telling me baby is "in danger of being bigger than average".

On a positive note, I've been going swimming once a week with a pregnant friend and really enjoying the exercise. And the hotel we're staying at next week has a pool too. I bought a really practical pregnancy swimsuit and am glad I'm getting so much use out of it :)

This weekend we picked up all the baby stuff I bought second hand off a friend. Still can't believe a little baby needs so many things! I'm now really looking forward to decorating the baby room. Hope the result is as nice as I imagine it.

Not much other news, but I will try and update again before baby arrives. I might even get round to taking a picture of the belly :)

It's a boy!

Our 5 week scan yesterday revealed the long-awaited news of the baby's sex, and it's a boy!
A little strange to me as I was expecting it to be a girl. Boys just seem like an alien life form and I think I felt more comfortable with the idea it was a girl, but I'm still thrilled.

And all else is well: brain, heart and kidneys are the right size and shape and in the right place.

We also got to see the cutest images of his face in 3D, although the stills are nowhere near as impressive as the moving images were:

It's just so amazingly beautiful... I can hardly believe it's really growing inside of me :)

I am now almost 23 weeks pregnant and baby is estimated to weigh about 600 g / 1.3 lbs.

As for, me, I've gained 4.3 kg / 9.4 lbs since we conceived, which is still the bottom of the pregnancy weight chart, but the challenge will be to keep the numbers down for the next 4 months.

This is the chart I've been using as a reference:

24 lbs (their "low" weight gain at full-term) seems like a lot of weight to put on, so I hope I can stay under that.

All else is going really well with the pregnancy, still no complaints really which is so lucky when I see how difficult some of my friends' pregnancies are or were.

I changed jobs a couple of weeks ago, which wasn't foreseen as the contract at the previous place was supposed to go on till the end of June, but they had to put an end to it due to their client cutting budgets in half.

Luckily I found another position the very same day, this time closer to home, with public transport access and I also negotiated a better day rate. On the down side it is much more demanding and the hours tend to be longer, so I haven't been getting much rest these past two weeks and desperately need some down time to relax.

Hopefully once I get into the project it'll be easier to plan in some time off (I'm supposed to be working 4 days out of 5 but so far have only managed to take a couple of hours off!).

That's all the news for now - I'm off to continue looking for the perfect name now we know it's a boy :)

Letting reality sink in

Well, today I ordered my first baby-related item: a nursery rhyme book from amazon.co.uk.
And because it caught my eye and I remember it fondly from my own childhood, I added to it the hungry caterpillar book.

So, before clothes or toys, a pram or a bed, bottles or pacifiers... I've bought my child-to-be some books. I guess that says a lot about a) how much I love books and b) how completely unprepared and blissfully naïve I am about the whole concept of bringing a child into this world and everything it entails.

On a slightly more realistic note, I got around to contacting an architect and builder to ask for a quote for the work that needs to be done to our place before it is even remotely ready to receive the new baby. Hopefully I can get that kick-started over the next few weeks and have everything finished well in time for the summer.

My bump has now made an appearance and although I can still button up a couple of pairs of trousers, I am pretty sure it won't last much longer. I am now mentally preparing to boldly go where I've never been before and visit a maternity clothes store. Or maybe I'll stick to H&M's maternity section?

I've put on 2kg/4.4lbs since the beginning of pregnancy (I'm almost 18 weeks on now) and I'm desperately trying to keep that number down - although you wouldn't think so judging by the amount of food I'm consuming. However, I've managed to keep it all fairly healthy so far and am drinking record amounts of water. Can you see my halo? lol.

Yesterday I had an amazing experience: a one hour long, luxurious massage. Not the first time I get a massage, but this one was particularly good and I felt so relaxed afterwards. Must try and make another appointment next month.

The rest of the week was nothing special, all work and flaking out in the sofa. I did go out on Tuesday night with two ex-colleagues to a yummy restaurant and was actually quite naughty, although no alcohol means I saved a few hundred calories compared to my usual night out.

Next week I'm off to see the Australian Pink Floyd in concert and am really looking forward to it! I've seen them 3 times before and love them! Okay, they're not the real deal, but they come pretty damn close. It's a pity baby can't hear yet as it would be in for some great music otherwise ;)

Chocolate eclairs and a heartbeat

Another doctor's visit today, so we got to hear baby's heartbeat, nice and strong.
Mine on the other hand is apparently not beating as rhythmically as it should, so I've been referred to the cardiologist for some tests. I don't expect it to be anything serious as I've noticed it has a weird beat for a long time and have never felt ill from it.

The scales showed a 1 kg / 2 lb gain, so I need to keep my eating in check. Which won't be happening today as I indulged in a chocolate eclair (mmmmnomnom), had lunch at a Thai restaurant with friends and am eating out again tonight. Thankfully I am not drinking alcohol, or I would really be in trouble.

Still sniffling with a cold that I can't seem to shake. Hope it disappears soon as it's stopping me from sleeping properly. I took a sick day off work on Tuesday as there was really not much work and I felt crap. Before I'd have gone into work anyway, as I needed to be on the verge of dying before I felt I had the right to a sick day, but now it's much easier as the only consequence is I don't get paid, so I don't feel as guilty when I decide I'm not well enough to work.

The only further exciting news (everything's relative...) is that Bart and I finally sat down and looked through names to try and decide which ones we liked. Boys' names are so difficult and we definitely don't like the same stuff (I'm into Noah, Lucas and Jonas whereas Bart is more of a Victor, Nick and Jack fan). We have about 5 girls' names we both like, so I think we'll be okay there. I have no idea how to decide which one it will be though. I guess we'll try them out on the bump once we know what it is and see which one sticks.

Smother-in-law time again

Dinner at the in-law's tonight, wish me luck as I am already stressed out at the idea of Bart's mother clucking around me and reaching for my (still inexistant) bump at every possible occasion, and every other well-meant annoying remark she can make...

On a positive note, we have found a daycare centre just around the corner from where we live, I can walk there every morning to drop bub off and again in the evening.

I'm going to try and work from home after bub is born. I hope I can find a few more clients to work for directly, no more ad agencies. I have calculated that right now I am working 44 hours a week (including drive to work) and I could earn the same working from home in only 24 hours a week (higher rates, lower costs and no commute). Right now it makes sense to have a more stable income with bub on the way, but later on I want the extra freedom of being my own boss completely instead of just a "hired help".

Other than that, I had a really bad cold last weekend, pinned to my bed for a couple of days, and am now left with the permanent sniffles and a blocked nose. Ugh.

Still being very good food-wise, although my apetite seems to have increased this week - I had 2 bowls of cereal for breakfast most days!. But managed to not overdo it I think as I'm still aiming to stay the same weight as long as possible. Luckily I'm craving fruit, milk and yoghurt so it's still fairly healthy.

I've made a list of all the work that has to be done in our apartment before bub arrives and need to start contacting contractors next week to get quotes. It's going to be financially painful, but necessary. In the long run I think it will increase the value of our place too.

That's all for now, mother-in-law calls...

Finally, an update

Well, where to begin? I suppose I should explain the reason for my long absence, though it's quite easy to guess... Yep, I'm 13 weeks pregnant! I didn't want to jinx it all so wanted to avoid posting the news until the first trimester was safely behind us. As of yesterday we have visual proof that the baby is alive and well (and moving around like crazy, although I can't feel anything yet).

It still feels crazy and slightly hard to believe. Especially as we got pregnant straight away, which I wasn't expecting to happen - needless to say the father is extremely proud of himself ;). We got a positive pregnancy test on November 22nd, confirmed by a visit to the doctor and first short ultrasound on December 4th.

First ultrasound on Dec 4th, with heartbeat, 6w, 0.43 cm

Second ultrasound on Dec 19th, with heartbeat, 8w, 1.98 cm

 

Third ultrasound on January 23rd, 13w, 7.43 cm

Third ultrasound on January 23rd, in 3D, 13w

The images don't really do justice to the moving ones we saw on the screen, especially this last visit, where baby was jumping all around the place and hitting the walls with its hands, but it's amazing to see how quickly it grows. I can't believe how big it will be by the time it's ready to come out!

Weight-wise, I put on 2lbs the exact day I suppose I ovulated and/or conceived, and since then another 1lb, which is really decent. The doctor was happy with the result yesterday in any case. I'm hoping to keep weight gain down to a minimum, hopefully less than 5kg/10lbs, but we'll see how that goes once the (mild) nausea dies down and I regain my appetite!

In the meantime, we went on our trip to New Zealand, where we had an amazing time, with a big family Christmas (in the sun) and a stunning road trip round the South Island. I am so glad we escaped the snow here - though we very nearly didn't get away due to the Eurostar hell and our flights leaving from London. Luckily I was able to book us on a flight from Brussels to London as soon as I found out the trains were cancelled - a few hours later they were sold out. It looks like Eurostar will be compensating us for that now, so I'm so glad I made that decision. I'll rant about the absolutely dismal communication on their behalf some other time...

 Christmas Day in the bush with my sisters

Our hike on the Fox Glacier

Queenstown

We got back on Tuesday and I've been slowly recovering from the jetlag since then. Starting work again tomorrow, though it will be as a freelance still as I explained my situation before leaving on holiday and told them I wouldn't be signing a contract as after the birth I want to be able to work closer to home. So it's all working out the way I wanted it to on that front too :)

Week 45, 46 and 47 WI, babies and knitting

Okay, I have shamefully neglected my blog for the past 3 weeks. No idea why I wasn't inspired to post more often, as I've been reading everyone else's blogs daily.

Over the past 3 weeks I have managed to lose an astonishing 0.1 kg / 0.2 lbs.
I am definitely an underachiever on the weight loss front. I did however get a silver 7 despite this ridiculous result. That's 2.5 stone gone since I started. Not the greatest loss for almost a year, but I haven't been tracking for the past 6 weeks and I'm not putting weight back on. That's an achievement in my book.

Loss this week (well, last week actually): - 0.1 kg / - 0.2 lbs
Total loss: - 15.9 kg / - 35.1 lbs

Other news: babies. I am currently having unprotected sex for the first time in 13 years.
Yes, I've come to terms with my fears. Well, almost. But I am truly excited about the whole process and eager to make it happen. Watch this space for updates (except if you're reading this and you're related to me, then I'll tell you in person).

Not sure if this is related to the previous bit of information, but I've started knitting again.

This is the result so far. It's a scarf. The first 10 rows represent the time it took me to remember I needed to alternate front stitch and back stitch. I'm thinking of it as my practice piece, that way it will exceed any expectations I have of it.

I am already wondering whether I will have enough wool to finish it though and am trying to imagine what else I could use it as if I run short before it's a decent length.

Other than that, the past 3 weeks have been pretty uneventful. I have given up alcohol and haven't had a drink in 17 days. An absolute record. I have decided not to drink at all during pregnancy and breastfeeding, so I still have a year or so to go, but I'm trying not to think about that.

Oh and our trip to New Zealand is now planned out and booked. 7 weeks to go till we leave!! I am really looking forward to it - I'll be spending Christmas with my mum and sisters for the first time in 21 years, how crazy is that? And it will be summer over there, yay!

Time to get some work done, hope you're all having a good week.

Back to the eighties (whoop!)

It's unofficial and all, and I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself every day, but this morning I stepped on the scales, and there it was...

89.9 kg

I'm into the 80's!!!!

Doing the happy dance and hoping I can keep it off and maybe even improve by next weigh in :)

Week 44 WI

I managed to lose the weight I put on last week, plus a little bit extra, so I'll happily take that result :)
I'm still not pointing, but seem to have found a good balance and am listening to my hunger signals and making healthy choices. Unthinkable 10 months ago because I had absolutely no sense of proportion or of what it was "normal" to eat in one day, so I have definitely covered some ground since then :)

Still very stressed about the baby business though (see previous post) so I hope I can keep the emotional eating in check.

But, on a brighter note, here are my updated results so far:
Loss this week: -0.7 kg / - 1.5 lbs
Total loss: - 15.8 kg / - 34.8 lbs
BMI: 32.0

Next week I hope to: get into the 80's (kg) - 0.3 kg to go. Which will also mean getting my 5th silver 7 and 15% loss - 0.1 kg to go. All very achievable!

Good luck to everyone else weighing in this week.

Week 43 WI

And I've been a bad, bad girl.

Well, actually I thought I was pretty good, if I completely blank out the 2 days I spent in London at my friend Anne's.

Saturday was lunch at Carluccio's (hey, I had the tomato soup for starters) and Sunday full roast lunch at Brown's (oops, did I mention the oven roast camembert we shared for starters?). Both meals nicely topped off with sparkling wine (the kind that goes down a little too easily).

I actually thought I had limited the damage as I was too full for dinner both days, but snacking on twiglets and pretzels washed down with white wine obviously didn't fit into that plan.

Anyway, back from temptation and the damage as measured this morning is 0.4 kg / 0.9 lbs on.

I've been back on track since Monday, but still not actually tracking. I'm just really tired with the whole counting points and I think it actually has a negative effect on me: I eat healthily all day and listen to my hunger signals, but when I point everything I've eaten and I'm under points, I suddenly start wondering what else I could eat. If I don't add up the points, I don't actually think about having that extra snack.

Anyway, I've decided to give pointing a rest for a while longer and see how it goes. Fingers crossed.

Week 42 WI

I am completely gobsmacked at this week's result. As I explained in yesterday's post, I didn't track my points last week, but I did try to eat sensibly and didn't snack. Neverthesless, I was fully expecting to stay the same or even put on a few grams. So I am absolutely elated to report I lost 0.8 kg / 1.8 lbs this week!

This is my biggest loss since the end of July, and although I don't understand how it happened I am really happy with it.

Also... drum rolls... I have just squeezed under the 200 lbs mark. I am now 199.6 lbs. And I need to lose another half kilo to reach the 90 kg mark. Some great milestones :-)

Here are my updates results:
Loss this week: - 0.8 kg / - 1.8 lbs
Total loss: - 15.5 kg / - 34.2 lbs
BMI: 32.1

I'm not sure I'm going to just "carry on doing what I did", cause I still think I need to track to have a realistic view on what I'm eating, and also the mojitos and crisps on Friday night and red wine and chocolate cake on Saturday just don't feel like an acceptable part of a diet. But I am going to enjoy this loss :-)

Hope everyone else has a great week. I look forward to reading all your results.

Food obsession

I didn't point all week. Which doesn't mean I went completely over the top, I was actually quite reasonable all week - until yesterday night when the red wine and chocolate cake got the better of me.
But I tried to stick to 3 reasonable meals a day and no snacking, and really didn't do too bad.

Which made me think back to 9 months ago and remember how I would fantasise about food all day long.
I remember going to bed at night dreaming about the next day's breakfast, or finishing lunch and already fantasising about everything in the cupboards, doing a mental inventory of the fridge and obsessing about any chocolate bar or biscuit I knew was sitting in the kitchen waiting for me. The worst moment of the day was after dinner, when the food sirens would call to me and I would make regular trips from the couch to the kitchen to nible at anything and everything, hoping my husband didn't notice. Total obsession. I would estimate I spent about 6 hours a day just thinking about food, feeling taunted by it, anticipating eating it, battling with myself about whether or not to eat it, eating it, feeling guilty about eating it...

I realised at the time that I was completely obsessed and knew it wasn't normal or healthy, but I couldn't imagine it ever changing, I thought that was just the way I was kinked and would have to battle my food thoughts for the rest of my life.

9 months on and I hardly ever think about food (I'm not kidding, I really rarely think about it anymore), I can go 6 or 7 hours without eating and suddenly realise it's dinner time because I feel hungry (yes, HUNGRY!). I think "so this is how normal people feel about food?" and have a hard time imagining I was so obsessed about it in the first place.

Of course, I still have issues or I'd already be a size 10. Stress sees me making unhealthier choices (not eating more, just less healthy) and social situations are triggers for going off track (alcohol and snacks, my two worst enemies).

Last night I sat at a dinner table with 2 friends. One naturally skinny and one a constant dieter - she's at a healthy weight now but often yoyos up and down by 10 kilos or so. On the table, a bottle of red wine and a chocolate cake. This was after a relatively healthy and filling dinner of chicken and vegetable curry.
It struck me that whereas naturally skinny friend could leave a half-eaten slice of cake on her plate and half a glass of red wine in front of her for half an hour without touching it, dieter friend and me were constantly sipping and nibbling, cutting away small bits of cake and topping up our glasses of wine regularly. I'd estimate that by the end of the evening we'd had about 3 times more cake than skinny friend and double the amount of wine.

So, still some issues to deal with before I am 100% freed from the food demons, but I do think I can get there eventually.

My dream is to become a naturally healthy person, able to stay at a steady weight for long periods of time without much effort, auto-regulating any excesses without even thinking about it, with an inate sense of balance. I wonder if that's possible or if the overeater in me will always be lurking in the shadows, ready to send me soaring back into obesity?

Week 41 WI

I had a week off last week. Well, not on purpose, but that's the way it turned out.

I had just a little bit too much to eat every day and couldn't be bothered enough to point it. 3 days in a row eating out, plus mad hours at work meant I wasn't as strict with myself as I am most of the time - at least in a good week.

Having said that, I made decent choices and indulged in a controlled way, so I was quite pleased to see a 0.1 kg / 0.2 lbs loss on the scale today. Not much, but not a gain after a week of potentially explosive situations. Yay me!

Back on track this week and no alcohol for a week - still amazing how tired I am the next day even after just 2 glasses of wine...

Week 40 WI

40 weeks in, wow. I'm not sure I ever believed I'd keep at it for this long when I started. Pretty proud of that actually.

Last week was another one of those "well, I stuck to points but nothing happened" weeks, with a minuscule loss of 0.2 kg / 0.4 lbs (and to be completely honest the scales were hesitating between 0.1 and 0.2 kg, but I decided to be optimistic about it and take the greater loss).

Still not going quite as quick and steady as I'd like, but what a turn-around I've made in my eating habits. I feel so much healthier, so much more in control, so much less dependent on food. So I guess fast or slow doesn't matter, what matters is I've made a change for life and I'll get there eventually.

Results to date:
Loss this week: - 0.2 kg / - 0.4 lbs
Total loss: - 14.6 kg / - 32.2 lbs
BMI: 32.4

Also, I went down another size in clothes this past month and can now fit into quite a few old pairs of trousers, so it feels like I have a new wardrobe, lol!

Exercise was virtually non-existent last week, except for an hour and a half of yoga, which I LOVE and will be doing every Tuesday from now on. But work was intense, I was busy till 8 or 9 most evenings, so not much time for anything else. I'm hoping to get back to badminton this weekend though. On top of the exercise, it's a nice activity with my man and a good way to spend time together.

Hope everyone else is feeling good and progressing. Good vibes to all my WW blogger buddies :-)

Baby talk

Well, I went to my ob-gyn yesterday to get the results of my blood test and everything is looking good: no risk of trisomy, good blood sugar levels and my kidneys and liver are "working perfectly" (not sure that would have been the case 9 months ago, so thank goodness for my new diet). So we got the go ahead to make babies :)

The only negative is that I'm not protected agains CMV or toxoplasmosis, so will have to take some precautions when pregnant, but I can live with that.

We also discussed weight issues and the doctor is supportive of me trying to not put any on weight during pregnancy. He says it's all up to me and as long as I'm eating a healthy, balanced diet he doesn't see why I couldn't keep the weight I have now (meaning I'm actually losing weight as the baby grows). I'm going to look into it some more as I read somewhere that the toxins released when you burn fat weren't good for the baby (?), but for now that's the plan.

And then because of our trip to NZ at the end of the year we won't be trying till November so we're back here on time for the (apparently) all-important 13 week scan. So for now we're still doing practice rounds ;-)

In the meantime I'm going to try and lose a couple more kg to get into the 80's. I am still unsure about starting a pregnancy at this weight, but at the same time I think if my body can't handle it, chances are it just won't happen.

So, I'm off to find some more pregnancy blogs and forums to read and get as much information as I can to prepare for the whole experience (yes, I'm a control freak). How exciting!!

Week 39 WI

And the weirdest thing happened: despite my pizza pig out on Saturday, I lost 0.6 kg / 1.3 lbs.
Well, Saturday night, after posting about my disgusting meal of pizza, garlic bread and red wine, I actually had indigestion all night, so perhaps nothing got absorbed. And yesterday I only had 13 out of my 23 points, both in an attempt to limit the damage and, well, because I couldn't actually stomach much.
So, amazingly, the results this week are:

Loss this week: - 0.6 kg / - 1.3 lbs
Total loss so far: - 14.4 kg / - 31.8 lbs

My BMI is now 32.5. Just over 7 kg to go to get me below 30. My goal is to be there before xmas, with an average loss of 0.5 kg a week. Slower than I'd hoped, but I have to be realistic, and it would mean I've managed to lose 21 kg in a year, which I'll be pretty chuffed about.

Good luck to all with your weigh ins this week!